the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
