I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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