Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
