Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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