my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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