There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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