How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
