Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
