why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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