She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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