I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
