Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
