my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
