At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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