I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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