am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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