wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
