I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
