At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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