she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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