I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
