dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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