And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
