I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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