Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
