i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
