She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
