Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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