who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
