i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
