Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
