That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
