Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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