So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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