end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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