While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
