I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
