Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
