yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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