new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
