on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
