How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
