I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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