so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
