Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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