I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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