Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't put those talents on a resume
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
