I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
