flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
