Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
