just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
