Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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