dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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