She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
