im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
