apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
